My First Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

For the past five years or so I have avoided Mother's Day like the plague.  I have blown off family dinners and pretty much cocooned myself inside my house.

When you are not a Mom and are desperately looking forward to being one the day can be overwhelming.  Last year was probably my lowest point.  The day before Mother's Day I found out that I was not pregnant...yet again. 

I was a mess.

What a difference a year makes. 

I am a Mom.  I can finally say that.

As I reflect on my first Mother's Day I can say that all of the cliches are true.  You do not truly know how much you can love until you have a child. 

In my short time as a Mother I have already experienced stronger emotions than I thought possible.  I can't watch the news anymore as all of the sad stories hit me harder.  What if that was my daughter? 

I will often find myself holding her and feeling such a wave of love that it actually hurts my heart.  The biggest heart-melting position is when I am burping her during a night feeding over my shoulder.  She is drowsy and buries her little head in the nook of my neck...gets me every time. 

Motherhood is hard and I am sure it will continue to get harder.  I believe the Army's slogan is "It's the toughest job you will ever love."  I call bull crap.  Motherhood definitely holds that title.  Bring it on!  I can't wait for all of the "firsts" yet to come.

Being a Mom has also opened my eyes to the love my Mom has for me.  It has been wonderful getting to see her become a Grandma.

Mom,

I love you so much and I am so lucky to be able to call you Mom.  I can only hope to be half the Mom you are.  I am so lucky that my little girl gets to call you Grandma.  Enjoy your new title this Mother's Day but know you will always hold the title of Mom.

Love your little girl.

So Happy Mother's Day to all and prayers and good thoughts to those still struggling to get there.  Hold on, it will happen.  It may not happen in exactly the manner you envisioned but then again nothing does.  Know you are not alone.  Many struggle but you will soon have your own story, no matter how many plot twists.